Arranging Christmas contact can be a challenging issue for separated parents, as it involves balancing the wishes and needs of children, parents, and extended families. However, New Zealand Family Court decisions illustrate a range of practical options and principles that can help separated parents reach consensus and reduce conflict.
Prioritising Children’s Welfare and Relationships
The general principle is that children benefit from meaningful relationships with both parents and their wider family networks. Decisions of the courts emphasise that any arrangements should prioritise the children’s welfare and their relationships with both parents as well as siblings and extended family especially during significant periods like Christmas.
Alternating or Sharing Christmas Day
A common approach is to alternate Christmas Day between parents each year or share the day so children spend time with both. Options can include the children being in the care of one parent from Christmas Eve until 2:00 pm on Christmas Day, then with the other parent until Boxing Day or alternating from Christmas Eve to midday Christmas Day and then switching for the remainder of Christmas Day and Boxing Day. These types of arrangements give the children the opportunity to celebrate with both sides of their family and helps manage expectations.
Dividing the Christmas Holiday Period
Beyond Christmas Day, the Courts will often support dividing the entire Christmas school holiday period equally, often in blocks of one or two weeks for each parent i.e. continue the term-time arrangements until 24 December, then each parent has a two-week block, with the balance of the holidays divided equally thereafter. This approach provides each parent with quality time during the holidays and allows for travel or special activities.
Flexibility and Communication
Having some flexibility around options is key for making effective arrangements. Courts often encourage parents to vary specific details by agreement to accommodate changing circumstances, travel plans, or the children’s preferences. Where possible, parents should try to communicate directly or use mediation or counselling to try and reach agreement early. At all times, they should always avoid exposing children to parental conflict.
Considering Children’s Views
While children’s views are not determinative, they are given weight, especially for older children. The court will often listen to the child’s preference noting that arrangements should respect children’s developmental needs and wishes.
Practical Tips and Additional Arrangements
- Talk early and try to reach agreement – this should involve understanding why a particular request is being made and may involve compromise by one or both parties. If necessary, seek the help of a 3rd party to assist with reaching agreement.
- Plan changeover times carefully to avoid confrontation and minimise stress for children.
- Allow for regular telephone or electronic contact with the non-caring parent during the holidays.
- Where families are in different locations or countries, factor in travel times and school holiday differences.
- Don’t lose sight of the fact that it’s about the children and not point scoring or ‘one upmanship’ against the other parent.
There is no single “right” arrangement for Christmas contact; instead, arrangements should be tailored to the children’s best interests, family circumstances, and the importance of maintaining positive relationships. Parents are encouraged to be flexible, communicate constructively, and, where necessary, seek professional guidance to reach a workable agreement that makes Christmas a positive experience for their children. If you would like to talk through the best way to approach your situation, then give one of our Family Law team a call.